The Journey – Forces of Compromise
Prime forces of compromise
One primary sources of compromise are those closest to us.
Our immediate families are undoubtedly one of the most powerful forces of influence on our lives and there are a few good reasons why this is so. Understanding those reasons will give you the advantage of being able to see whether or not that influence is for good or bad and more importantly know what to do about it.
It is true that we are most influenced by the people we spend the most time with so it is easy to see why our families have so much influence over us. Chief among those influencers will be our spouse.
In most normal relationships it is common for us to want to make the person we decided to live our lives with as happy as we can. Therefore we naturally try and do those things we know make them happy and not do those things we can see make them unhappy.
No mystery there then.
But… What we may not easily see is how that underlying behavioral conditioning affects so much of our decision-making and actions. Many believers find being in this position is a major source of concern and difficulty as it seems that so many times the wants and needs of their partner are in conflict with their understanding of what is right according to their faith and belief.
Clearly, this is even more apparent when only one of the two is a believer, yet disharmony can be found even among those who believe in a common faith.
Happily there is a workable solution and much of that is based in common sense and a sound understanding of what men and women need, want and fear – and then making sure you deal with all three. In so many cases, wants and fears are simply two ends of the same stick.
In any close relationship we all want to know that we are loved, respected and that our needs and wants are known and are a priority for our partner.
For many, being loved is interpreted as “Being loved more than anyone else”
So it is easy to see why partners become fearful when their other half gets seriously involved with a faith movement that says you have to love god more then anyone else. That one statement of belief is often immediately interpreted by the less spiritual partner to mean they are now second in the life of their spouse.
Being respected in this context, is often understood as “Being respected more then anyone else” So, in addition, some may see being placed in that second position as though they have also lost a good measure of the respect of their partner.
These two things lead the unchanged or ‘weaker faith’ partner to conclude that now their wants and needs are no longer a priority for their other half.
These three things together open the door to the fears and worries that are sat ready and waiting to continue the undermining process that is inevitable unless action is taken to cut it off before it gets hold of a relationship.
As an aside, remember that God is the source of love so as a believer you have the ability to be an even more open channel for that love. So make sure that channel is as open and unobstructed as possible.
The two most feared things we all have are ‘change’ and ‘the unknown’. Change is the bigger threat of the two as there is always an unknown element to it.